A Father's Feelings
by candysfan
Summary: Kazuma's thoughts about Kyo and him... May contain spoilers for the anime.


A Father's Feelings

Life has never been easy for a cursed Sohma, especially for the one who is possessed by the cat's spirit. Everybody despises the cat, treats him like he's a monster. When I was a child, I was one of these people and I believed that cat deserved to be locked up until he died as he could hurt others. I even refused to take the candy my grandfather gave to me, thinking that I

would be contaminated if I touched it. My grandfather was so kind that he just smiled sadly when I rejected him. Years later, he died and Kyo was born. As I became an adult, I could realize my mistakes towards my grandfather. He was as human as us, we were the ones who behaved like monsters. It wasn't his fault that he was born with a curse and he had never hurt someone.

After Kyo's birth, I observed him as much as I could. I saw how he was despised and ignored. Nobody wanted their children to play with him, so he was always alone until he met Kagura, Haru and other children cursed by other zodiac animals. He was not accepted at the main house and was chased by others when he accidently passed by their garden, he was called "monster" or "stupid cat" whenever he did something. He was a shy boy and I could see how he was afraid and sad because of them. As he grew up a little, he became harsh, angry and rude towards them too, which became another reason for them to treat him like a monster. He was used to be hurt by others so much that he became wary towards people.

His mother's death was a big shock for him; she killed herself as she couldn't stand living as "the cat's mother". But he couldn't even cry as everybody said that it was his fault. Even his father hated him as he was deeply in love with his mother and he accused Kyo for her death. This was when I decided to adopt him to help him, but also to help myself to be freed from

the feeling of guilt towards my grandfather.

The first weeks were awkward. I had always lived alone all my life and it was strange for me to live suddenly with a five-year-old child. And to Kyo, I was a stranger. He didn't talk to me a lot at the beginning and he didn't want me to approach him. I understood that he needed time so I decided to give it to him. I could hear him cry in the nights and it hurt me as I wasn't to be able to do anything for him. During the meals, I tried to start conversations, asking him his hobbies and so, but my attempts were in vain. But slowly, I guess he began to trust me as he began to ask me questions. Our conversations became more and more intense and fun. I remember how happy I felt the first time he smiled at me. As he trust me enough, he showed me his real self. I loved him more and more. I think if he was my real son I couldn't love him more. And unconsciously I began to treat him as if I'm his real father. When I heard him shouting that I wasn't his real father I was hurt but I understood that I didn't have any right to force him to feel the same for me.

Then I taught him martial arts and he became one of my best students. He worked hard to beat Yuki. He hated him for being the rat and no matter how much I tried to convince him that it wasn't Yuki's fault that he was the rat, he had always wanted to beat him. I knew the real reason of his hatred. I knew that whenever he said "it isn't my fault! It's all the rat's fault! If

he didn't tricked the cat I would be respected too", he tried to convince himself that he wasn't guilty. He felt guilty because of his mother's death and he believed that he was really a monster who didn't deserved to be loved. A person who feels very guilty accuses someone

else to feel better. So he accused Yuki as he was the rat. I wanted him to understand that he wasn't a monster and his mother suicide wasn't his fault and it wasn't Yuki's fault that he suffered for being the cat: it was the fault of people who despised him or afraid of him as they had superstitions and his mother's fault for being so weak and for believing them. I couldn't make him understand that. So I thought that if I make him live with Shigure and Yuki, he would be more social with other Zodiac's members and can learn to control his anger when he was with Yuki and maybe understand him a little.

It was a big chance that he met Tohru. The first time I saw him with her, I saw how his eyes were shining when he was looking at her. I understood immediately that he loved her. But he was very afraid that she would reject her when she would see his true form. I wanted to show him that it wouldn't be the case. I took a risk and took off his bracelet and Tohru accepted him.

I'm so grateful to her for all the things she has done for him. After that day, he confessed me that he wanted to become someone better to be my son and I was very happy. Tohru is someone really great. She changed everything in the family without even realizing it. She encouraged the cursed ones in their decisions, listened their problem and showed their mistake. She helped Yuki and Kyo to understand each other. She even changed Akito with her kindness. He was always against the happiness of one of the cursed Sohma. She understood that he also felt alone and became his friend. Thus Akito let others be happy and today he is even here for the wedding of Kyo and Tohru with the others. I wanted to see him to be happy after all he suffered and today is the day my dream becomes true. And I feel even happier when now he comes next to me and whispers "thanks for everything, father".


End file.
